A second wedding can easily become more stressful than a first wedding if you don’t take control of it right away. Parents still have lots of suggestions; but now, so do the kids from your first marriage. But regardless of what friends and families want you to do, there are certain rules that people in polite society must follow when planning second weddings.
What to wear
White gowns are fine for first weddings. Pastels and even bright colors are perfectly permissible for a second wedding. Some brides skip the gown entirely and just wear a nice cocktail dress for a second wedding. All’s fair.
Who to tell, and when
If you have kids, they should be the first to know; in fact, you’ve probably already discussed the idea of re-marriage with them. Once they’re totally on board with it, you can tell your beloved, “Yes.” Once you’re engaged, you can start sharing the good news with everyone else. Be sure your ex is okay with the kids being in your new wedding.
How to get the kids involved
Give the kids a voice in your planning. If there are any areas that you haven’t already decided, seek out your kids’ opinions on things like your wedding theme, your decor, your color scheme, your favors and flowers and so forth. And if they’re truly excited about their new step-parent, make them part of your ceremony, and let them give speeches at your reception.
Should I have a gift registry?
Typically, there are no gifts at a second wedding, since both of you already have everything you need to set up housekeeping. Instead, many couples ask guests who want to give something, to donate to a honeymoon fund.
Should I have a bridal shower?
Only if your friends demand it. Try not to suggest it on your own. There is no tradition that says you must have a shower for a second wedding unless you truly want one.
Who pays?
You do. You’re adults now, and you no longer need Mom and Dad’s money. So the size and grandeur of your wedding will be limited only by your dreams and your financial wherewithal.
What if it’s not HIS second wedding (or hers)?
You can keep as many first-wedding traditions as you choose. Let your mate enjoy the excitement of his/her first wedding, as long as you don’t end up looking like two pampered teenagers. Remember, the average age of your guests is likely to be higher, and that means they may have different tastes in food and music. Do your best to accommodate them.
Planning a second wedding will almost certainly be simpler than the first, because you’ll be focused more on marrying your lifetime mate, and not as much on throwing a party that’ll make all of your friends jealous. Enjoy your quality time with the people closest to you.
© Fourth Estate Audio, 2016 – Jay Congdon is president of Fourth Estate Audio, a professional Chicago DJ and Chicago Wedding DJ company.
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