You CAN Survive a Bridezilla…Here’s How

(Hint: the minute you get engaged, forward this article to everyone close to you — your family, your attendants, your friends, EVERYONE!)

There’s something magical that happens to a bride when she’s planning a wedding. And we’re not talking about “Disney” magic. It seems, she magically turns into a fire-breathing monster at the slightest obstacle or challenge. And all the charm of being a bride-to-be turns into dread and anxiety over all the work she has to do. Here are some tips for helping your friendly neighborhood Bridezilla through her ordeal.

Be a shoulder to cry on. Often, a frantic bride just needs to let all of her frustrations out. She’s not attacking you personally, and you need to understand that. If she’s furious at someone else for something they’re doing — or not doing — perhaps you can be a go-between, to diffuse the conflict. If she’s beside herself because she needs someone to help her shop for something, offer to help her. Be solution-oriented, not problem-oriented. The best question you can ask her is, “How can I help?” Then she’ll recognize that you’re not the enemy.

A Bridezilla needs no encouragement. Don’t indulge her histrionics. Remain calm and refocus her complaining on solutions to her immediate crises. It’s okay to tell her she’s going overboard about something insignificant, as long as you’re offering to help her with her problem. Remind her that the purpose of a wedding is to marry the love of her life, and everything else is just a big party.

Help take her mind off of the wedding. Never miss an opportunity to get together with your bride-to-be for a little family fun, or girl fun that has nothing to do with the wedding. It’s a great way to remind her that she’s much more than just a bride-in-waiting. A visit to a spa, or a movie, or her favorite restaurant, will give her a chance to unwind and just be herself for awhile. And she’ll remember that you’re the one who knows the great human being beneath the Bridezilla.

You’re not a whipping boy/girl. There comes a time when even your beloved sister, daughter or best friend can take her frustration too far by abusing everyone who gets near her. But you have no obligation to walk on eggshells, terrified of sending her into her next tantrum. If she’s simply too abusive, tell her, “KNOCK IT OFF!” Be supportive but firm, and tell her you don’t deserve to be treated like that.

Try to see it from her point of view. Yes, it’s true that if the tablecloths are one shade too dark, it’s the end of the world — at least in her mind — and the world will be forever changed for the worse. Of course, her guests won’t see anything wrong. I wrote a brief piece that appeared in Glamour Magazine. Pass it along to her: “Never lose sight of the fact that, even if the cake collapses, and your Uncle Todd gets drunk and makes a pass at the minister’s wife, and the sprinklers go off in the middle of the ceremony, at the end of the evening, you’re still married. So you win!” The best assurance a bride can receive is the knowledge that her guests are there to celebrate her love, not her decorating skill or color coordination.

As long as you’re supportive, while not surrendering your own personhood, your Bridezilla will eventually turn back into a fairy princess, and she’ll remember how you were beside her for the entire journey, all through the ups and downs, and she’ll be grateful forever.