How to Get Your Groom to Help Plan Your Wedding

The best weddings are those that are planned by a couple, not just by one person. Men often need some coaxing to get them involved in wedding planning. Here are 10 secrets to enlisting his help.

1. Ask him.  Let’s face it. As a former groom, I can tell you that a groom’s default setting is, “This is her show, and all I have to do is show up.” Wrong! You’re going to need him; and getting him involved early will ensure that he doesn’t suddenly get interested after you’ve already planned everything, and start making unwanted changes.
2. Validate him. He’s never planned a wedding before, so he may be unsure of himself when it comes to making important planning decisions. If he comes up with a good idea, praise him and reward him. Even if one of his ideas doesn’t sound so hot at first, reaffirm his interest and look for ways to incorporate it into your game plan in a way that satisfies you both.
3. Delegate.  Find out what areas of your planning interest him. Maybe he fancies himself a good judge of music; then let him research the best DJs. Maybe he’s an artist, and wants to help with the decor; then let him help with your selection of a florist or banquet room decorator. If he has strong feelings about serving a certain entrée for dinner, he can help with your selection of a caterer. If he feels personally invested in his role, he’ll be much more enthusiastic about it. 
4. Shop with him.  A wedding is a lot like Christmas, and everyone loves presents. You shouldn’t have any trouble asking your fiancée to go dream shopping, and picking out items he’d like to add to your gift registry. Make a day of it, including lunch at a nice restaurant.
5. Dress him.  Once you know what colors your bridesmaids will wear, it’s time for your groom to go tux shopping. Go with him, and help him pick out a suit that looks really good on him. Perhaps coordinate his tie or boutonniere with a splash of color to match your bridesmaid dresses.
6. Ask who he wants to invite.  Ideally, your guest list will be half-and-half. Have fun reminiscing about all the great people in your lives, and spend time together considering which of them should be a part of your special day.   
7. Have him shop for hotels.  Your guests from out of town will need places to stay; and finding a hotel or motel with nice accommodations is fairly simple. Once your distant guests respond to your invitation, you’ll have a good feel for how many rooms you’ll need. Then your groom can shop and book a block of rooms. Your guests can then contact the hotel, let it know they’re with your party, make their reservations and put down their room deposits. 
8. Seek his advice.  Asking him for guidance on some of your planning ideas will make him feel important and included. Who knows? He may have a good idea or two that you missed.
9. Plan your honeymoon together.  Here’s an exercise: each of you should come up with a list of five great places to spend your honeymoon. There’s a good chance your lists will overlap. If there’s one place that really excites both of you, your decision is already made. 
10. Don’t let it become a chore.  Yes, planning a wedding takes a lot of work; but there’s no reason to treat it like drudgery. Make it fun by pairing work and play whenever possible. Just remember, you’re throwing a party for your friends, and you want to have a great time. The better you plan, the more likely you’ll be able to just kick back and party on your big day.

© Fourth Estate Audio, 2016 – Jay Congdon is president of Fourth Estate Audio, a professional Chicago DJ and Chicago Wedding DJ company.

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